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23 July 2023

What even is this blog? I rarely ever post anything. Is there an explanation to this? Yes, there’s always an explanation: I just don’t feel about writing about myself and my life.

Do you care about which flavour of ice cream I ate last Thursday, or my stupid opinions on the latest trendy anime? Do I care enough to write about it—or more importantly, is it worth to expose myself like this? No, it is not worth it and I do not care about writing about myself. One of the reasons social media tires so much is simply the information overload: sorry dear algorithm, but I could not give less of a fuck about @poopenfarten69’s new $300 shoes, and I can imagine you feel the same about me.

But… do I really not care? I’ve realised this is somewhat at odds with my conception of what good art can be. Of course simply sharing pictures of your overpriced possessions is meaningless, but can that be said about people out there who choose to create meaning by sharing snapshots of their lives?

This sort of thinking infects the way I consume media: while it can be nice to tune into a grand epic journey sometimes, I gravitate towards consuming things that are like snapshots of peoples’ fucked up semi-real lives. My favourite pieces of media, from NHK ni Youkoso to Aku no Hana, tend to be that way. For someone as absent-minded and seemingly uncaring of reality as I am, that seems out of character, doesn’t it? It makes even less sense that these pieces of fiction help ground me to reality somewhat, by showing me that I’m not alone in my struggles, motivating me to keep living and creating art. Hell, what is my art if not tiny little pieces of myself?

So this is the fight that I’ve been fighting inside my head. What is bigger: the desire to retreat into my comfortable little shell for eternity, or the desire to create meaning through my production? Is there even any meaning to sharing snapshots of my life with others? I hope there is, and even if there isn’t, it’s better than regretting not doing it later. Probably. My friend told me that.

Whew, it took me quite a while to come up with a topic decent enough for a blog entry. Now that I’ve established all of this, onto more important matters: I haven’t eaten ice cream in a while, actually. I’m sad.